Starfleet Under The Bridge
by FairyNiamh
Summary: An unexpected accident leads Bones down an interesting path.  Slash, Humor, Romance, Modern Day AU, OOC


_If there is a creator, he surely made this world too large. This is very inconvenient for us small, frightened humans. For with all of the world's vastness, we cannot measure the distance between ourselves. There are six billion of us, and yet... almost everyone is alone. We are all frantically searching for that one person we need no distance from; the other half of our immortal soul._

Hello, my name is Leonard H. McCoy; and I would like to tell you a little story about the unexpected start of my journey to find my one special person. That one random soul who would eventually come to mean the world to me; and it only took a day to land him.

The day started very normal and unassuming. I was walking back home from my long day at work; when a group of (tormentors) '_friends_' decided to pull a prank on me. (The bastards) my friends accosted me on a very public bridge, removed my trousers, and then hung them high on a steel beam, from said bridge before running away laughing like a pack of hyenas that they are.

Now, I'm a fairly handsome man, even if I do say so myself, and the bridge wasn't too busy, so I wasn't overly ashamed of my condition, being trouser-less and all. Nor was I afraid of someone seeing me in such a state and reporting me for public indecency. Okay, so there was no traffic and no patrol officers on that accursed bridge. A small blessing considering the day that I had and one of the benefits of living in a smaller town… I guess.

Once I was sure that, I was alone and that my tormentors would not be back, I set out to climb for my trousers. Luckily, they were not too high up, a mere fifteen feet above the road; which isn't too bad… until you added in the twenty-five foot clearance between the pavement and the water below. It was, however, too bad I had a deep, and yet well hidden, fear of heights.

When I was about half way up the beam, a loud 'tutting' sound broke my concentration, making me clutch the accursed beam tightly.

"You should be careful," a blond man said. A slight smirk playing on his lips, while casting his fishing pole.

"Shut up, I know what I'm doing," I snarled. While silently cursing my rotten luck. 'So much for me being alone.'

"I was only trying to say..." he began again.

"I don't need your help," I informed him through gritted teeth. All the while inching my way up the beam; getting ever closer to my pants. This man's advice was unsolicited help, which I was not at liberty to accept. Papa always told me a long time ago to never depend on people, that when you depended on someone, then you owed them a debt that equals the amount of help you accepted.

"I was just trying to warn you, that the beam you are on is very loose and could fall at any moment." I heard the man say as the beam I was on began its tumbling descent into the river below.

All I could think as the beam pushed me down toward the water, which surely was to be my watery grave, was 'Well fuck; now I am indebted to some nameless smart ass.'

Of course, once the beam was dragging me down further into my watery grave and pushing the air from my aching lungs that thought was quickly replaced by; 'You moron! Why didn't you just spare a fucking second for that man's advice? Maybe the man could have used his fishing pole to fish down your pants… but nooooooooo… Leonard fucking McCoy is too good for that kind of shit. No charity for you… never mind that you could have PAID him for that service. NOW, you moron, you get to die… and you get to die PANTLESS! OH PLEASE, DEAR GOD; I DON'T WANT TO DIE!'

God must have heard my pleas; for as soon as my world started going black, I felt a hand wrap around my wrist and pull me from under the beam and to salvation. Too bad, it did not come just twenty seconds sooner; then I would not have wound up unconscious on the river's shore, with some idiot poking at my side with a stick to wake me.

"Ah, so you are alive," my rescuer said with a chuckle as I turned on my side and coughed up copious amounts of water.

I looked at my rescuer and could feel the blood drain from my face, as the blue eyes of the fisherman twinkled, with a hint of amusement, as he looked at me. I also revised my thoughts of God hearing my prayers… surely, it was the Devil who sent this man to save and torment me.

"So, can you talk yet?"

"I can talk just fine!" I snapped between coughs.

"Oh, you can hear me now too. So, why did you put your pants up there on that beam? I mean, they weren't even wet. Plus that's not the best place to hang a pair of pants," he asked while waving said pants at me.

"Damn it man, I'm a doctor, not a ninja! Besides, I didn't put them there, my 'friends' did," I snarled as I snatched my pants away from the irritating man.

"Then you should get new friends. Well, good luck and all that. Do try to stay away from loose beams from now on. I might not be there to save you," he said as he stood to leave.

It was only then, that my wits decided to gather and hit me like a tons of bricks. I was in debt to the man who was walking away… and not just a dollar debt, but a fucking life debt! How does one replay that?

"WAIT! What do you want?" I asked in a bit of a panic grabbing at the retreating man's legs.

"Huh?" the blond man asked as he looked back over his shoulder, confusion clearly clouding his eyes and marring his good looks.

"What do you want for saving my life?" I clarified.

"I don't need anything," the fisherman informed me seriously as he frowned slightly.

"Surely you need something; a new house maybe, or how about some new clothes?" I asked desperately.

"Sir Sulu says these clothes look nice on me and I already have a house over there," he said, pointing to a covered part under the bridge I had fallen from.

"But, you live under a bridge. I mean, who would want to live there when you could live in a house… or an apartment, you would have access to a pool and I'll even furnish it!" I said desperately. I had to convince this man that he needed _something._

"I have a bed, an armoire, and a very nice river to swim in and I can catch fish there. I don't need anything else," the infuriating man replied with his head cocked to the side.

"Please, I can't be indebted to you. So, just pick out something… anything," I begged.

"You are a very strange man. I didn't save you to put you in debt. I saved you because it was the right thing to do. Daddy told me to always do what's right," the blond said. In a tone meant for a child, frowning, and crossing his arms over his chest.

"OK, but the right thing for me to do is pay you back for your kindness. Right?" I was trying to get the man to see reason. To understand where I was coming from.

"I guess, and I mean there is one thing I have been curious about since I arrived here. Maybe you can help me out… I don't know though," the man said as he rubbed his neck.

"Sure, anything, just name it and it's yours," I said anxiously.

"Well, everyone around here has a boyfriend or girlfriend. Oh, by the way, my name is Jim. What's yours?" the irritating man said while sticking out his hand.

"Jim," I ground out while gritting my teeth and taking his hand

"You have the same name as me? Wow that is so weird and cool."

"No, your name is Jim; my name is Leonard… and you were telling me what you wanted."

"I was?" he said with a confused look on his face.

"Yes, you were. Please, I'm begging you here. What were you going to ask for?" I begged as I tried not to hyperventilate, because of this man's A.D.D.

"Oh yeah, since everyone here is paired up, I was wondering if you would be my lover."

"Lover?" I asked with a squeak. I was certainly NOT expecting for this… this… _man_ to ask for that.

"Yes, I've been curious about that since I arrived on Earth," Jim informed me with a big grin on his lips.

"Since you arrived on Earth?" I questioned the obvious nutcase weakly.

"Yes, Earth is so very different from Venus. So, I am curious about this whole lover thing."

"Venus?" I swear I felt my legs starting to weaken under me.

"Yup. So, what do you say? Will you be my lover?"

I sat down heavily on the ground, wondering why I attracted nut cases. I looked around to see if there was a camera crew or some other indication that this was an elaborate hoax. I found nothing. So I still owed this man my life, and if he wanted me as his lover, then I would gallantly give up my pride and take this man as my… lover. "Sure, why not," I whispered.

"Wonderful! Now, will we be staying at the apartment or the penthouse?"

"Won't I be staying at my place?" I wondered aloud with s slight squeak.

"We're lovers now, so we have to live together. Isn't that the way it goes here on Earth?" he asked with the most pathetic and sad look on his face.

"I guess," I answer honestly. After all, what do I know about lovers? I've never had one.

"So, the apartment or the penthouse?"

"Penthouse," I replied swiftly as I looked at his 'apartment'. Surely, the penthouse would be better than that.

"Wonderful, follow me."

As we traipsed down the river to the bridge, I felt some hope swell inside of me, a hope that we are going to be heading into town. Sadly, that hope was smashed into a million little pieces, when Jim stopped and hopped onto a small raft while offering me his hand. "It's not too far now," Jim said with a smile.

When the raft stopped at a small island in the middle of the river and Jim began to climb up a ladder once again my hopes went up. Really, I should have known better by now. All that ever happened when my hopes rose, was for them to be crushed again by this unpredictable man.

When we finally reached, the 'penthouse' more than forty feet in the air, I made the stupid mistake of looking down. I desperately grabbed at Jim and weakly said, "I may throw up on you."

"Are you afraid of heights? I mean this is fairly sturdy you know," he informed me as he gave a small jump on the platform.

"Don't go there… just don't. Maybe, the apartment would be a better place for us," I informed him as I squeezed Jim's ribs, as if my life depended on it. (Because it might have! One could never tell.)

"If you say so," Jim intoned with a shrug, as he disentangled himself from my grip.

"Great, wonderful; let's do that."

"Well, let's go," Jim said cheerfully, as he started to climb down.

"Shit, I have to climb down don't I?" I whispered letting my horror ring clear in my voice.

"Well, you could jump down I guess; but you would probably hurt yourself."

"I'M NOT JUMPING DOWN!" I yelled.

Jim shrugged and informed me that; "It was just a suggestion. Come on already. If we stay here much longer it will get dark."

That, of course, got me moving, the only thing worse than being in a high place; was being in a high place in the dark.

"So, what do you do for a living?" Jim asked happily during our descent.

"You really want to chat now? Do you have a death wish or something?" I wondered how many times I would question my original agreement with this man.

"I'm just trying to be a good host. Pirate Pike is always telling me how I get things wrong. If no one tells me what I am doing wrong, how will I ever get it right?"

"Fine, I'm a doctor at my father's hospital. What do you do?"

"I fish for all of Starfleet," the, obviously insane, man answered way too happily.

"What in the hell is Starfleet?"

"That's what our community is called. Which reminds me, I have to introduce you to the Mayor when we get down."

"Community? Mayor?" I asked in wonder.

"Sure, you didn't think I was the only one here did you? It would get very lonely down here if I was the only one here."

"Of course," I muttered softly. "So… are there any laws or rules here at Starfleet I should be made aware of?"

"Not really… well don't run around nude 'cause Pixie Pavel may see you… and if he sees you Sir Sulu will kill you. Poor boy will probably die a virgin. Well, that is if Sir Sulu keeps scaring away all the kid's suitors and does nothing himself. Don't piss off or hit on the Unflappable Uhura."

"She got a jealous boyfriend or something?" I asked while clutching tightly to the lifeline in front of me… aka the ladder.

"Socky Spocky doesn't care about trivial things like that. He knows that she will castrate any man who fucks with her. She is one tough nut to crack," Jim warned.

"Right, so no running around in the nude and stay away from the knife wielding woman; anything else you need to tell me?"

"Hmmm, well if you need anything just ask me and I will ask Socky Spocky. He's the mayor's advisor and Starfleet's negotiator and my Dads will want to meet you as well."

"Dads? I thought you were from Venus." I was correct in my early assessment, this man has more than one screw loose.

"Oh, I am! You see when I landed here at; Starfleet Admiral Archer and Pirate Pike kind of adopted me so, according to them, that makes them my fathers. Does that make sense to you?"

"Either it makes sense or I am turning into a fruitcake," I groaned. At this point, I was pretty sure that I would be surrounded by imaginary people… or more nuts. Which was making me feel a little fruity and really, wasn't that what this place needed? A fruitcake surrounded by a variety of nuts!

"Well you certainly don't look like an edible cake," Jim said as he jumped down past the last few rungs on the ladder. "Then again you do look sinfully delicious."

My foot missed the last rung of the ladder as two large hands reached up and squeezed my ass. I suppose I should have been grateful that his hands were there as it kept me from falling on my ass, or back into the water… still all I felt was irritation and a slight bit of fear, as a green toned elf made its way out of the tall weeds. I tried not to make a noise, but I couldn't help it. I wasn't really afraid or anything… I was just startled.

"Oh, hey Socky Spocky!" Jim said to the newcomer.

"I have told you, on numerous occasions, that my name is Spock, not Socky Spocky," the man said evenly while glaring at Jim.

"Uh huh and I have ignored them all. So why are you here?"

"You were spotted, by Mayor Sybok, leaving your post two point three minutes early. You were then seen, by my mate, roaming around our community with a stranger. I was sent to make sure you had completed your fishing and to ascertain if this newcomer was perhaps a threat to your physical and/or mental health."

"He's not a stranger. Spock, please meet my boyfriend, Bones. Bones, this is Socky Spocky Mayor Sybok's assistant and little brother."

"Bones?" I questioned with a growl, while glaring at my… boyfriend.

"I saved you so I get to name you," Jim said with a sulk.

"Why do you call him Socky Spocky?" I whispered quietly, in hopes that this giant elf would not hear my question.

"Well, because…" he started to whisper back to me.

"Welcome to Starfleet, Bones. Admiral Archer will hand out your assignment upon you meeting him. I am Mayor Sybok, if you need me, please direct your questions to my assistant and I will answer them as quickly and clearly as I can." A sock puppet, which had previously been hidden behind Spock's back, 'said'. Suddenly I understood why Jim called him Socky Spocky.

"A-a pleasure I'm sure," I managed to say with only the tiniest croaks to my voice, nodding my head, and doing my damnedest not to break out laughing.

"Hey, don't laugh at him. Spock is killer strong, and won't hesitate in choking you if you laugh at him," Jim whispered into my ear… which of course made it harder for me to stifle my laughter.

"Did you manage to collect enough fish for the required social gathering tonight?" Spock asked Jim after tucking 'Sybok' away behind his back.

"Scotty and Gaila have already picked them up and taken them to the mess hall. Now I need to show my boyfriend to our apartment."

"Very well, I will see you both tonight at 1900 hours."

Jim threw Spock a two-fingered salute while pulling me back onto the rickety craft that had brought us out to the horrible 'penthouse'.

"You know, you don't really have to be my boyfriend if you don't want to Bones," Jim said quietly as he pushed the little raft to the shore.

"Why did you want a stranger to be your boyfriend in the first place?" I wondered aloud with genuine curiosity.

"Well, you're not really a stranger to me," Jim informed me with a small smile on his face.

"I've treated you at the hospital or something?" I asked as the raft bumped to the shore.

"No, well... that is… you have habits; and every day you eat your lunch at the end of the bridge. You're always muttering about how crappy your day has been so far and how you hate and love your job. So see, I know you; even if you don't know me," Jim answered while heading into the 'apartment'.

"So you're a stalker," I asked with an arched eyebrow.

"No, I just like to hear you talk. Your accent is amazing and… yeah, it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. So anyway, there's not much here to offer, but you can bring in some of your stuff to make you feel more at home," he said to me while biting his delicious looking lips.

I was surprised to see a four-poster canopy bed in the middle of the room. You would think that it would look decrepit and worn out, but no, it was beautiful and opulent enough to suit a king. The carved woodwork and the sheer canopy were… breathtaking to behold.

"Oh yeah, I need to get you your own pillow," Jim said while snapping his fingers and going to an armoire that matched the bed.

"Where did you get these?" I asked in awe, as my curiosity took hold. I was never one for mysteries. I always wanted to know about things, even if it would lead me down a deep rabbit hole.

"Oh, Scotty carved these up out of some drift wood; and Gaila sewed and stuffed the mattress and pillows. They're really very talented. Pretty sure Scotty will be making a dresser for the apartment, now that you're here… and maybe a couch too. Gaila has wanted to make some cushions anyway. The woman has serious curves and killer needle skills. Take that literally, because really, she could kill you with her needles."

"Wow, the mattress is so soft," I whispered to myself as I sat on it choosing to ignore Jim's comment about yet another deadly female.

"Did you know that hair was once used to stuff mattresses? Hell, some place still use it and some still swear by it. Most people use horsehair, but human hair can work too. Supposedly it makes one of the best mattresses around."

I looked up at him in horror of the thought. Surely, this was not made from hair… it just was too much for my already overworked mind to comprehend.

"Don't worry, there is no hair in that bed. It's made from down and dried moss. Anyway no time for that; we have a dinner to get to. I'm sure my Dads are anxious to meet you," Jim said with a chuckle while looking at me with a lovelorn look.

"Sounds like a blast," I muttered under my breath as I followed Jim out.

"You're so cute when you're surly," Jim said, as he wrinkled his nose at me.

"You need help kid. Do you realize how crazy all of this is?" I wondered.

"Dinner first… then we can talk if you really want to. Deal?" Jim asked, as he seemed to shrink in on himself.

"Deal," I said numbly. I watched the exasperating man that was a mere few feet in front on me; yet he looked a million miles away. It bothered me. It bothered me on so many levels that I had no idea why I wanted this man to be happy. Perhaps, I was under a spell. If I was, I wasn't sure that I wanted the spell to be broken. As insane as all of this was, it made sense.

We walked silently to the 'mess hall' and I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight that greeted me. There were a dozen smiling people, standing under a banner that read: 'Welcome to Starfleet, Bones'. I was flabbergasted and touched, that these strangers welcomed me into their fold so easily and openly.

Dinner was a blur of hugs, smiles, handshakes, welcomes, and somewhere in the mix there had to have been food as I was full and a little dizzy by the time Pirate Pike and Admiral Archer pulled me out of the throng and off to the river's bank for a little 'talk'.

"Now that you have been welcomed to the family; it's time you tell us what your intentions are toward our son," Archer asked while stooping down to pick up a rock.

"Honestly?"

"Honesty is the best policy; and here I thought you were a good 'Southern' boy," Pike said while glaring at me.

"Then, I have no idea what my intentions are. I just met him this morning. I am thankful to him for saving my life. He seems interesting enough; and I would like to get to know him more before I form any intentions other than being his friend at the moment."

"Good answer. Guess you are a smart kid. Now then, let me warn you, if you hurt our son… we will make sure that you have a good old-fashioned funeral at sea. Understand me?" Pike asked menacingly.

"Yes Sir!" I snapped as Pike leaned over me looking into my eyes.

"Stop bullying the kid Pike; he's gotten the message loud and clear. By the way, do you have work in the morning, Doctor?"

"No, it's my day off."

"Good, I'll meet up with you tomorrow to give you your assignment."

"Assignment sir?"

"Look, we all pull our weight here. Therefore, I will talk to Scotty and see what he can do about building you a sick bay. Nevertheless, we can talk about your needs tomorrow. Tonight, you get a free pass, so why don't you head back and collect your boyfriend on the way home, kiddo. I'm pretty sure he's missing you."

"Thank you sir," I said quickly before turning tail and running away from Jim's parental figures.

"Did they scare you?" Jim asked me when I made it back to him.

"They're your parents Jim; of course they scared me! What kind of question is that? Pike seemed like he was ready to murder me if I got the answers wrong."

"Daddy Pike is all bark and no bite. It's Papa Archer you should be concerned with. He has some pretty shady business associates," Jim said with a grin while looking at his fathers' walking along the river's shore hand in hand with Bones.

"You know that you make him sound like a Mafia boss right?"

"OH! No, Papa is not a Mafia Boss. Mafia Bosses are nowhere near as scary as Papa is when he's upset," Jim stated in a matter of fact tone while grabbing my hand.

"Not exactly inspiring confidence here Jim," I said while giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

"It's time to talk isn't it?" Jim asked softly while looking at the stars.

"I would really appreciate it."

"Fine, can we at least do it back in the apartment?"

The walk back was… tense and silent. I ran all the questions I wanted to ask through my head. Trying to figure out the most polite way to touch such obviously sensitive subjects. Still, every question I had boiled down to one singular word: Why. Why is he living under the bridge? Why does he have adoptive parents? Why does he hide behind the disguise of a Venusian? Why?

When we made it back to the apartment, I noticed Jim sort of… shrink in on himself. It was almost, as if he was terrified of the questions I wanted to ask. All of the raw emotion on my… lover's face sealed my lips and changed my course of action. Being different was no reason for cruelty on my part; and I felt that prying right now would be just that… cruel. Besides, I was sure that my questions would surely be answered over time.

"So… " Jim started to say while shuffling his feet.

"So, do you have any spare pajamas I could borrow? I promise, I'll bring mine tomorrow when I move some of my stuff in."

"What?" he asked with his eyes wide open in shock as he looked at me.

"Pajamas; do you have a spare pair for me to use?" I asked again very gently. I did not want to spook this lovely man any more than I had already.

"But… I thought…" Jim started while fidgeting with his hands.

"Maybe another time, right now I really just want to get some sleep. There have been a lot of changes today after all," I replied with a smile.

"Thank you," Jim whispered with a small gentle smile on his lips, while going to the armoire to get the pajamas. It amazed me how warm that tiny true smile made me. "I… I hope that they fit."

"I'm sure they will," I said while letting my hands linger on his as I accepted the pajamas.

"I'll just… I'll just step outside while you change. I need to run and get you a basket anyway. I'll be back; I promise," Jim replied with a cute blush coloring his cheeks.

I sat on the bed heavily and rested my head in my hands. Everything that had happened to me was just too much, too fast, and so out of the norm for me. However, maybe that was why I felt comfortable letting this charade continue for a bit longer. After all Jim would surely tire of me, the cranky doctor; once he got to know the surly man behind the accent.

I shook my head and quickly changed into the borrowed nightclothes. I ran my fingers across the blue striped material that the pajamas were made of and was surprised at how soft the fabric felt against my skin. I hoped that borrowing them would not deprive Jim of sleepwear.

The thought of a naked Jim standing before me, made my breath hitch, my pulse quicken and I could feel radiating heat with the blush coloring my cheeks. Having such impure thoughts of a man I had just met was… delightful and again, so out of character for me.

My stomach clenched when Jim reappeared wearing pajamas that matched mine. Even though I knew that, I didn't really have the right to be jealous of anyone Jim spent his time with… I still found myself jealous of whoever had provided Jim his pajamas.

"Papa Archer told me to tell you: 'Chill out he changed over here.' Why did he want me to pass on that message?" Jim asked while handing me a beautifully woven basket for my soiled clothes.

"Probably because he thinks he knows me better than I know myself. I believe I am inclined to agree with him on that. So, time for bed I think; don't you?" I asked with a chuckle while pulling my newly acquired lover toward the bed.

"Bed, sounds wonderful. You go and lay down, while I get the cover," Jim said with a large smile as he slipped out of my grasp.

I was somewhat surprised when the smiling blond came back over and tossed the blanket over me before tucking me into bed with a chaste kiss to my forehead and a whispered "good night". Just as I was fixing to ask him, what he was playing at; Jim slipped UNDER the damned bed. Not under the covers now mind you… he went _under the damned bed_.

I crawled over to the edge then bent down enough to peer under the bad. I was somewhat shocked to see a nest like array of pillows with a huddled Jim in the middle.

"Jim, may I ask what in the world you are doing and where is your cover?" I asked with an uncomfortable chuckle.

"I don't feel safe up there in the open… and you have the only cover. Papa and Dad wouldn't give me another," Jim informed me with an adorable pout.

"Ah hell," I muttered while pulling my pillow and the cover off the bed; before crawling beneath it to join my handsome new lover in his nest.

"What are you doing?" Jim asked while staring at me with wide and wild eyes.

"I'm joining my lover in bed for a well-earned cuddle. Isn't that what lover's do? I mean, you did ask me to be your lover. Don't tell me you don't want me anymore," I said with a chuckle as I gathered Jim in my arms. I was quite serious about the cuddle. That was the one thing I had always wanted to try in my life, but never had anyone to try it with. I figured my 'lover' would be the perfect person.

"I guess they do; and of course I still want you as my lover," Jim whispered as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me softly on my neck.

"Good night Jim," I murmured while kissing his forehead.

"Night," he whispered back while snuggling further into my chest.

My life is so different now from from when I first met Jim. I still work part time at the hospital, but I also have a little clinic at Starfleet. Archer and Pike finally have accepted me after saving Pike from choking on a fish bone.

I never learned anything of Jim's life before he had joined Starfleet… and I am perfectly fine with that, because this man… he changed me; made me happier with just being me. The maniacal menagerie that made up Starfleet have become like a family to me. Each individual bringing out parts of me, I had never known. I am still not sure that this relationship with Jim is a good thing; I am sure there is nothing in the known or unknown universe to make me put a stop to it… ever.

~Fin~


End file.
